We are all wonderfully complex individuals with different life circumstances, and so if we attempted to cover every situation that may have played a role in the decisions we have made, our guide would go on for hours! So we have created this exercise to support us more in 

To do this, we should get some pens and paper and think back to how we made the decision. This can be for any decision that we are concerned about, though here we use the example of an abortion. 

We can include as much detail as we want about our experience, such as: 

We should include all the thoughts we had then, and now. Depending on the decision we have made that needed support, our list may look different to what we have above. It may be shorter, or a lot longer - all of that is okay! The important thing is to start detailing our situation and experience, and understand what led us to our decision.

Once our list is ready, start to write down the factors that influenced the decision-making process. This is slightly different to what we have written previously - those first points help us to understand the broader picture and begin to piece our situation together, but this part allows us to go deeper into certain aspects of our lives that affected the decision. 

We’ve listed some keywords below to start off with but there may be other words too.

Once the factors have been listed down, start to think about what role they played in leading us to our decision and how we feel about each of them: do we feel positive and comfortable? Or the opposite? If we do feel uncomfortable/uneasy, write down why.

For example, if our partner was a factor in our decision, we could question if they were involved and supportive, or if we felt pressured into the decision instead. 

For stability, we could ask what stability means for us - financially, professionally, emotionally, and mentally. Would this type of stability always be an important factor? Has it changed since we made the decision?

The objective of this exercise is to feel more comfortable, confident and self-assured with the decision we have made and understand the factors that led to it. We may know the reasons why, but it can be helpful to have it written down for us to come back to if we ever feel unsure or question ourselves later.

Exercise 1: Understanding and validating our decision

This exercise is all about naming the complex feelings we may be experiencing as we go through potentially traumatic events. We hope this exercise will help us identify our emotions and then figure out what we need to do as we experience them.

To start off, sit comfortably in a quiet place, somewhere it’s easy to concentrate and consider each of the five basic emotions: 

We should start with whatever feeling we want to start with. Think about each feeling - do we feel it? If we do, where is it in our body? We then place a hand on each spot we feel the emotion  and take a few moments to fully experience it. If we don’t feel this emotion, why is that so? 

Work through each of the feelings by asking these questions. We can write down the answers if that helps, and if we feel overwhelmed at any point, we can stop and come back to this exercise whenever we’re ready to try again. The most important part of this exercise is naming 

not listening to our inner critic about why we feel them. If we start to hear negative statements in our mind, such as “I made a mistake”, “I’m a bad person”, or “I’m selfish”, disregard these thoughts. 

Once comfortable with this exercise, take a moment to explore each feeling and ask questions. Everyone’s situation may be different, but to help, we could ask questions such as: 

We may be looking at the basic emotions listed and thinking “these don’t relate to me”. That’s okay! We are complex individuals with unique experiences and complicated feelings. We may not know what we’re feeling so we’ve listed some other emotions also:

 and we may still feel emotions other than what is listed. Take the time to explore those emotions, note them down, and ask the same questions as earlier. Sometimes, exploring these feelings can be difficult and bring up deeper things for us to look at. If this happens, take some slow, deep breaths, take a break, and come back to this when ready. We should take the time to reflect on what we have discovered, and think about what we can do now that we know.

Through this exercise, we hope to identify our feelings more clearly and  to think about what 

Exercise 2: Naming our feelings

As we go through different experiences, we may not realize that we are struggling, or that healing might be needed. In this exercise, we want to go through these signs and symptoms and write down what we are feeling or experiencing. This may help identify if healing is required. We may have other symptoms or signs that we aren’t sure of - write them down, too. Take note of them all for the clearest picture.

This exercise is to help us identify important signs and then think about when they started appearing, if applicable, to ensure resolution after something emotionally challenging like abortion.

: This isn’t a comprehensive list and is not meant as a diagnostic tool, and there may be other factors that may be causing us to feel any of the below. 

As we said, this isn’t an exhaustive list, and there may be other factors causing them, but it is extremely important to listen to our bodies and minds when these signs and symptoms are common - it’s them trying to tell us something isn’t right. If we are concerned about the factors listed as we feel one or more of them, please contact a medical provider to find support. You’re doing the hard work right now of identifying your emotions and symptoms, but the best help may come by speaking with a medical professional for more support and insight.

Exercise 3: Recognising if healing is needed

For this exercise, we want to rethink the negative messages we may hear about something that has happened to us. This exercise may be triggering, so please skip this if need be.  

We should now think about or write responses to these messages, and 

take the time to think about our value and goodness. 

For example, in the first message,we can ask ourselves if one act erases all the good things we have done and will continue to do? We can work through each or add new ones, and think about our response to them.

This exercise may be difficult to work through, but it may be the most important one for us. We should take as muchtime as needed, and think of how to respond and rewrite the negative messages we may have received or feared to receive.

We should think about how much compassion and forgiveness we can offer others in a similar situation and turn it back to ourselves. If we write these thoughts down, we should keep them somewhere safe to come back to when and if a reminder is needed. 

Remember to take breaks and come back when ready, and remember that we 

Exercise 4: Rewriting the negative messages

Here are some other exercises that we hope may be useful as we go through these potentially difficult experiences. These exercises can be used at any point of the process.

Other exercises to help

These exercises have been created to help us through a number of different situations. Though initially they were created in line with our reproductive rights guide and for support through an abortion, they have been adapted to guide us through different situations and potentially provide some clarity or comfort. 

These exercises look at different ways to understand and identify how we feel, how we came to the decisions we have made, how we can start to rewrite negative messages we may be hearing about ourselves, and remind ourselves of our goodness and values. We hope these exercises are helpful. Take a break and come back when needed, and if  we are unsure or concerned, it may be helpful to contact a medical professional.

Part of: Exercises for wellbeing

Exercise 4: Rewriting the negative messages