When our boundaries and safety are violated, it can change the way we think and feel about ourselves, our relationships and the world around us. The aftermath of it can also be physical. 

The assault can result in physical injuries. We may have bruises, pain, bleeding and soreness. We may feel like you can’t breathe, experience chronic fatigue, involuntary shaking, not sleeping or eating like we used to and that our future sexual experiences will feel different.  

You should get a medical check up to make sure you are protected against any sexually-transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies and physical injuries. You may be asked to take medicines as a precaution. This won’t be easy but it’s important you protect yourself.

You may feel like you can’t trust people or that you don’t feel like being around your friends and family. You may feel angry. These changes are natural and though they may feel permanent and overwhelming, they don’t have to be. In time, you may find peace.

The first step in understanding why we feel the way we do is to identify what it is that we are feeling. Take a deep breath in. Take a deep breath out. Can any of the following words describe how you might have felt or how you continue to feel after the assault?

We may think that these reactions are a sign of weakness but they are not.

 What happened was not your fault. What happened to you was a crime. Reading this, you may be at the start of your journey to reclaim and recover your power and this itself is a brave and loving act for yourself. Continue to be kind to yourself and take your time. 

Reclaiming your body (Trigger Warning: self-harm)

Trigger warning: This section may be upsetting for some as it has descriptions of self-harm and assault. 

After experiencing sexual assault, we may feel our body no longer like our own. Often, we can disassociate or detach from it, and sometimes, even harm our body to feel like we are in control, like in 

 personal account. This can feel scary, but know that noticing and being aware of what is happening in our body is the first step to recovery.

Being aware of every feeling in our body is at the foundation of our emotional healing and recovery. You might have learned about the body’s evolutionary response to danger—what is often referred to the fight-flight-or-freeze response. Author and pioneering researcher on the effects of trauma, Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. has written a book called “

” in which he writes about the unbearable heaviness of remembering but also using the body as the bridge to recovery. According to Dr. Van Der Kolk’s research and other trauma-based research, trauma impacts this response system. As sexual trauma survivors, our bodies can be “stuck” in one of these 3 responses to fear. Understanding and learning more about what our body is experiencing after sexual assault can help us in our recovery.

Understanding things may feel different 

. It is, therefore, normal for us to experience trauma-reaction symptoms in the weeks and even months following assault. Research has shown that the majority of women who are raped, experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms in the two weeks following their assault.

What you were feeling, or may continue to feel, is a 

 after a traumatic event. Traumatic experiences also damage our 

. When we survive something terrible, we learn the ways we’re unsafe.

We have experienced trauma. Unfortunately, this is an experience that is outside our control. 

our minds and bodies are capable of an incredible feat

 from a traumatic experience. Our bodies constantly work to keep us alive – breathing, eating, or sleeping – and our brains are also a part of that system. The reason why we repeat difficult memories is because our mind wants to make sure whatever has happened doesn’t happen to us again; it wants to solve what went wrong and prevent it. We then become what is known as 

: alert and constantly scanning our environment for similar and potential danger. 

Or, we can also shut down and avoid our reminders entirely. It’s exhausting constantly feeling on edge, so 

forgetting is also a means of protection. 

, these are both normal reactions to traumatic events. What happens with post-traumatic stress disorder, however, is that these feelings don’t go away. 

PTSD makes that past feel like the present

: mentally and physically. And the brain can’t always distinguish between memory and reality, so our danger signals flare as though the trauma were happening now. Fear takes over, and we get locked in survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze, with all associated hormones, terror, and inability to think about anything else. 

PTSD usually develops in the first six months after a traumatic event. But symptoms can also take years to form. 

Now, as we go through the list of criteria for diagnosis; know these symptoms won’t always mean you have PTSD. Symptoms of regular anxiety are similar to those of PTSD. If you have experienced any of the features we’ve discussed for a month, however, please speak with a professional for a more thorough assessment.

Many of these symptoms relate to the physical processes that take place in our bodies when we remember a traumatic event. Our danger signals increase, and when our brain tells us that we’re in danger, it taps into one of two nervous systems. There’s our sympathetic nervous system, which is associated with that 

response we mentioned before. It prepares our body to run away from danger. However, we also have a parasympathetic nervous system that restores our cells, and controls restorative processes like sleep and digestion. These two systems are meant to work in balance with each other. But of course, when we think we’re in danger every day, we can’t “turn on” this parasympathetic system.

Part of healing from trauma is learning how to 

offset our body’s natural reactions to trauma by re-training and strengthening our natural calming mechanisms

. We can do this with formal therapies, or with mindful practices such as yoga and breathing exercises, which we will discuss later. However, you’ve actually probably already been practicing ways to regulate your nervous system and to turn the parasympathetic system on: these are often called

. Eating, drinking, or the more dangerous self-harm are ways of returning to that state of “calm”. In this way, 

we’ve already been taking care of ourselves

; we just haven’t known that was what we were trying to do, or always had the resources to make the healthiest choices.

Whatever the symptoms, PTSD is only diagnosed in a

 The trauma must be a one-time experience – for example assault, or natural disaster. If your trauma happens over a

 in which there’s no certain means of escape - such as situations of domestic violence or childhood neglect - there is a different stress-related disorder known as

C-PTSD happens after repeated or long-term trauma, in which there was no easy way out. Often, C-PTSD is a response to growing up in an abusive household or surviving domestic violence as an adult. Over the course of this abuse, our abusers create a world where they control and manipulate us, and convince us that they are our whole world. Because this environment feels permanent, we feel helpless against their cruelty, and that we have no choice but to suffer. But if we were to decide that there is nothing we could do, we would be doomed, as there is no way to “survive” a world this hopeless.  So, it becomes easier to blame ourselves for the cruelty of others – not because we’re really responsible, but because we have control over our own actions. If “we” become the problem, it’s something we can fix. It may seem counterintuitive, but this is another smart way 

those with post-traumatic stress have already learned to survive.

In this way, C-PTSD includes many of the same symptoms of PTSD, but it also alters our sense of self. Because of the way we internalised a sense of blame for living in an abusive environment, we often have trouble knowing who we are. We also struggle with shame, and may falsely believe that we are responsible for our mistreatment.

However, we are not the ways we have been hurt or how we have coped. Our bodies are doing everything they can to keep us here. The work now comes in guiding ourselves into healthier patterns: by making the past the past, and to remember the present to build towards the future. 

For C-PTSD: We did not get to choose our earliest memories, relationships, and experiences. We did what we could then, but

 - and none of our feelings of shame are permanent. 

, and there are ways we can make ourselves feel safer, confident, and move forward. 

However difficult your PTSD symptoms are, or however they present themselves, they are not a flaw or a weakness. These diagnoses only show how you are already doing amazing things. 

Your symptoms and coping mechanisms are proof that you can do this

, you have done this before, and are built to be here.

There are also professional treatments for PTSD, which you can consider if you would like the help of someone trained in helping people heal from trauma.

For some of us, we might be worried that a therapist might ask us to do or remember things that are too painful. We’d like to remind anyone considering therapy that

, and not someone pushing us towards anything we aren’t ready for. There is a difference between the discomfort we feel when we challenge ourselves (which comes from a place of growth) and harm. 

We do not have to hurt ourselves to get well.

 In seeking out treatment, remember that you are the client, and you get to decide which therapist works best to address your needs. 

There are some other treatments that can be quite useful: 

Remember you have already protected yourself so well against this traumatic experience. 

Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

After experiencing sexual assault or rape we may feel a sense of fear or hesitation to be close to someone. Sexual assault or abuse itself is the act of breaking a boundary. This experience can damage the trust we place in ourselves and others.

We might feel like we cannot trust ourselves if we internalise guilt and blame, thinking our actions made us vulnerable to this. Let us make this clear: only the rapist and harasser(s) are responsible for their actions. 

We can feel guilty that if we get close to someone, they might want more from us than we feel able to give. We can also be scared that we might not be able to stop someone crossing a boundary and that can make us feel unsafe. This can be true for our family members, our friends, as well as our romantic relationships. You can read the experience of a survivor 

This can lead to us avoiding situations where we need to trust people: if we ignore it, we don’t have to negotiate those boundaries. 

To trust someone, we need our body and mind to both feel safe

. There might be times where our mind knows that we can trust someone but our body is not relaxed and gives us signals that we need to back away.

Experiencing a traumatic event such as assault or abuse can affect our ability to form strong emotional bonds and caring, enjoyable relationships. In psychological terms this is called 

. It is important to know that this is a normal reaction. Even though it might feel like our perception of life and experiences will never be normal again, 

knowing why we experience this can help us to 

It’s important that we take care of our mind and body so that we can

 first develop trust in ourselves before we reach out to others. 

Depending on your experience with institutions such as government, police, courts or our workplaces, you may feel that reporting assault and using more official channels will not go your way and that the system is rigged. It’s a sad fact that often the systems put in place to help us, continue to fail survivors and can further traumatize us. Whilst that is often the case, it is also true that there are some great people challenging the systems and effecting change.

Only you can decide what will work best for you.

 Give yourself time to rebuild your confidence in people and most importantly, yourself.

Loss of trust

Regardless of our age, gender or ethnicity, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any of our physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can leave us feeling scared, ashamed, and alone. We may feel guilt and blame ourselves for what happened and have thoughts such as “I should not have…”, or “It was my fault,” or “I deserved it.” These feelings of guilt and self-blame may prevent us from seeking help, but it is important to remember that 

we are experiencing a normal reaction to trauma

, and these feelings of self-blame and shame are symptoms, 

Even though we might understand that we are not to blame for the rape or sexual assault, we may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame, feelings which can surface immediately following the assault, or arise years after. As we begin to acknowledge and process the truth of what happened to us, it may start to become easier to fully accept that

 we are not responsible for what happened

; we did not bring the assault on ourselves and 

Misconceptions which may create feelings of guilt and shame can easily arise after the fact, and it can be easy to second guess what we did or didn’t do. There are several reasons why we might hold onto shame and guilt following an assault and why we shouldn’t:

As we move through our trauma, it can be helpful to try and express our feelings by writing about them, talking to people who are supportive, and working on 

developing a compassionate relationship with ourselves

. Some important questions to ask when facing feelings of shame or guilt may be:

Regardless of the circumstance, the only person who is responsible for an assault is the perpetrator. 

We did not ask for it or deserve what happened to us. 

We should assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist, and 

Feelings of guilt and shame

Sexual assault may change our relationship to touch, sex and intimacy. After experiencing a sexual assault, our feelings about our bodies may change. We might feel a heightened sense of awareness — something that used to feel gentle and enjoyable may now feel intolerably intense. On the other hand, we may feel totally disconnected, unable to experience pleasure, pain, or anything in between. Everyone’s reaction is different, and every reaction is OK. 

Our bodies — and brains — adapt in strange and miraculous ways. Sometimes, in order to persevere and continue on with our daily lives, we block out bad things that have happened. If our relationship to sex and intimacy has changed, we might not notice it at first. To help

 of our current relationship to our bodies, try to spend time thinking about whether our feelings and reactions to touch have changed: does something feel painful that used to feel pleasurable? Has this kind of touch always hurt or is that new? 

After an assault, it’s important to remember what healthy sexual encounters look like: they involve enthusiastic consent, trust, security and desire. We should engage in sex with a person we desire, under circumstances that feel safe and enjoyable for us. This doesn’t mean our sex life has to be bland or robotic, but the context should make us feel safe to explore. 

 can look different for each one of us. Once we’ve been able to recognise the consequences of the assault on our relationship to sex — and had time to define what a healthy, fulfilling relationship to sex looks like for us — there are some things we can do to practise getting comfortable with sex:

Reactions to touching and sex

When we work through our trauma and what has happened to us, it is so important that we take the time to 

actively remember and practice self-care and love

. Processing and moving through a trauma can be emotionally draining or we may be healing from physical injuries, so it’s important that we keep our body and mind healthy and strong.

Self-care is about us actively taking the steps to get us back to feeling healthy, content and comfortable both physically and mentally. 

Whether our trauma happened to us recently or years ago,

 practising self-care can help us cope with the short- and long-term effects of assault.

If you’re unsure of where to start to practice emotional self-care, don’t worry, we’ve compiled some ideas for you! Some may resonate with you, and some you may like and find more useful than others and that’s okay - 

what’s important is finding what works best for you

Some of these suggestions for developing regular self-care routines that help you cope might feel a little out of reach right now, and 

 If that’s the case, you might want to start 

 and come back to this list when you feel you are ready. 

Healing and self-care is work in progress.

 Give yourself permission to start small or wherever you need to as you work through your self-care. Start anew. Start wherever you are.

Practising self-care

We would like to give our thanks for use of the following resources when constructing this document.

Note 2. Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: 

Thanks

This article runs through things one may feel or go through after being sexually assaulted, mentally and physically. 

We have taken into account different scenarios and tried our best to put down some dos and don'ts in order to assist you through this process.

We believe every situation is salvageable, you are enough and you can feel better with the right steps and support.

Part of: Taking care of your body after assault

Reactions to touching and sex